I have been self-destructive since after the exam. Binge eating, binge sleeping. Anything to avenge the psychological deprivation in the past month. Funny how the human mind works, logically, after such deprivation and longing, the final release should have resulted in bursts of euphoria. And all I felt was a deep sense of hollowness. I felt lost. Nothing I did gave me the happiness I expected. But then again, I was sort of expecting what I call, the 'post exam stress syndrome'.
It is not something new to me. I've had it since the secondary 3 government exam, PMR. At that time, I was confused of the hollowness I was feeling, which could be aptly described as anhedonia. And now, after battling extreme stress, exam-themed dreams every night, I'm battling anhedonia. But of course one of the reason behind this, is the worry that the battle has not been won, the possibility that there's six more months, gone along with plans to go overseas and family and friend time.
Anyway, results'll be out next week. Mimu mimu...
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